A
few weeks ago we talked about the goddess Durga and her epic battle with the
evil brothers (for that story click here). During that battle, Durga
calls for help and it comes in many forms, the fiercest being Kali.
Kali manifests to defeat the demon-god Raktabija, whose drops of blood
fall to the earth and instantly become new demon warriors. Kali follows
him around the battlefield drinking up the drops before they hit the ground,
preventing new demons from forming.
The
iconography and imagery of Kali is violent and scary: she is depicted as
bloody, often blue or black in color, usually holding a severed head and bloody
sword, with a garland of skulls around her neck. It is intense to look at
and can be hard to see beyond. But as Tantrikas we look beyond the
surface to see the shree (beauty, auspiciousness) even in what is not
pretty: “The skull in her hands, which her sword has just lopped off, is
the ego that separates us from her. Kali’s nakedness shows that she has cast
away illusion; in her, the entire truth about life and death is revealed. Even
her color is esoteric; Kali’s dark colors stand for the ultimate void state,
where all differences dissolve into the absolute beyond all form. Her sword is
the force that slices through delusion, ignorance, false hope, and lies.”
(Sally Kempton, Awakening Shakti)
Kali
opens us up to the side of ourselves that the "good girl" or
"good boy" we show to the world wants to suppress. She
represents the raw, open (maybe even bloody), exposed parts of ourselves that
we feel we have to hide to “fit in” with our culture, the parts of ourselves
that are uncomfortable to reveal. She represents the naked truth of who
we are if we are willing to be really honest about it, the part that would
hurt the most if, when revealed, it was rejected. Perhaps this side of
ourselves does need to be somewhat tempered, but it is a necessary part of life
and one that I think most of us keep locked away in service of fitting inside
the box society creates for “good” behavior. Becoming comfortable with
our Kali side means facing our shadow side, our built in contraction and
narcissistic tendencies. Even as I write this I am slightly cringing on
the inside, but allowing her in means getting comfortable with your discomfort.
There is nothing subtle or soft about it – if you’re opening up to Kali energy,
you open completely, you step into your life in all its beauty and terror and
don’t look back.
And
yet she is also the great protector. During the battle she swallows up all the potential
demons in order to protect the world, as fierce as a mother protecting her young. Sally
Kempton says it like this: “Kali challenges us by daring us to look her in the
face and find the love behind the pain
of life. The way we see Kali at any given moment has everything to do with
where we are in our own journey. Whether Kali seems terrifying, fascinating, or
loving depends on our state of consciousness and our level of both emotional
and spiritual development…. But she always invites us to a radical form of
ego-transcendence.” Kali invites you to be fierce in your
life in all the ways it serves you and those around you, whether it’s in love
or in battle.
Because
Kali is a destructive force in the universe, she shows us what is truly indestructible. The beauty is that in doing this she shows us
exactly what cannot be destroyed. She asks us: what are your
non-negotiables? What are you willing to give up, sacrifice in service of
living an authentic, meaningful life? What is most important? Once we are clear on
what that is, she inspires us to be ferocious in going after it, fierce in our
love or passion or desire for the deepest connection we can make in this realm
of existence.
In
all my years of teaching yoga I have never taught Kali until this
week. It was too uncomfortable for me to embrace that side of
myself so I avoided her
altogether. As is usually the case, we try to evade that which we need to face,
and as I've been getting more acquainted with her through study and practice
and contemplation I realized she is exactly who I need to invite into my
life. What she represents for me is looking at my life with stark,
brutal honesty, and instead of cowering in the corner and hiding from the
demons that threaten to eat me alive, running at them head down, horns out,
saying I will literally swallow you up before you can get to me. It means
allowing myself to be really vulnerable, baring my soul for all to see no
matter how scary that feels, and speaking my truth no matter how unpopular or
different that might be from the world I find myself living in.
As
I've embraced and opened to my own Kali side this week, for only the second
time in my life I lost my voice. I’ve taught classes channeling the wild
Kali-esque beauty of Stevie Nicks and Janis Joplin, and instead of feeling
limited and restricted by my raspy, raw vocals I felt liberated by it - it was
like Kali was speaking through me, that my altered voice was actually hers and
I felt like a conduit for her fierce grace. It gave me a confidence
I didn’t know I had and in spite of being sick it’s been a glorious week.
That
grace and glory is waiting for you, it comes as soon as you open the door and
allow Kali into your heart.
Off the Mat:
Short
and simple guys – speak your truth.
A
friend sent me this quote this week, by
Rob Brezsney, the author of the book Pronoia:
I invite you
to say this, or something like this: "I pledge to wake myself up, never
hold back, have nothing to lose, go all the way, kiss the stormy sky, be the
hero of my own story, ask for everything I need and give everything I have,
take myself to the river when it's time to go to the river, and take myself to
the mountaintop when it's time to go to the mountaintop."
On the Mat:
In
my classes this week we worked on ferocious poses – like Uttkatasana (fierce
pose), done with our tongues sticking out and a hissing or roaring exhale. It’s
hard to be meek or timid with your tongue sticking out! We did a lot of core
work, connecting us to our “non-negotiables”.
Getting fierce on the mat means making no excuses - we invoked our Kali-power to lap them up before
they could get in the way of our practice, which brought us to a level of deep focus and
intention. We worked on Kali pose, which
is a deep wide squat, reminiscent of the pose women used to birth babies in
(and some still do). The goddesses are
all related to creation, and this pose reminds us that we need to be fierce in
order to transform - like in childbirth, you have to surrender to what’s happening no matter how much it hurts, if you try to fight it you suffer.
