Forgiveness is a Skill by Chaya Spencer

"Forgiveness is a skill," wrote David Whyte, "a way of preserving clarity, sanity and generosity in an individual life." It's a beautiful sentiment, but can we embody it?  Live it?  For me that feels almost impossible.  Anthony Ray Hinton's story offers a powerful possibility.

Hinton, a man wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to death, spent 30 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. Despite the pain and anger that must have consumed him, Hinton chose forgiveness. He fought for his freedom, yes, but he also actively sought to release himself from the prison of resentment.

"I decided that I would take my life back," he said. "The only way that I could take my life back was that I knew I had to forgive." This wasn't an overnight process; it was a journey fueled by prayer, perseverance, and a deep desire for peace.

Hinton's story is a testament to the transformative power of forgiveness. It's not about condoning the harm done, but about choosing to move forward without being chained to the past. It's about reclaiming your life and shaping your own future.

But how do we navigate this path of forgiveness? It's a struggle, especially when the wounds are deep and the scars run raw. It’s one I struggle with particularly.  For me, it starts with acknowledging the pain, the anger, the hurt.  I find that ignoring these emotions only allows them to fester.  It also does not mean excusing the actions of the person who harmed us, but perhaps it means understanding them, recognizing their own pain or limitations. Perhaps it means letting go of the need for revenge and choosing compassion instead.

But forgiveness isn't just about others. It's also about extending compassion to ourselves. Like many, I often find myself being my own harshest critic. Striving for perfection and fearing failure can be a recipe for anxiety and stress. But as I learn to accept my fallibility, to embrace my humanness, I begin to experience self-compassion and forgiveness. It's a journey of releasing the inner critic and finding peace with who I am.  Yoga helps me do that.  It's one of the ways I connect to myself and feel grounded and complete.

Someone once said, "Forgiveness is a process, not a destination." It's a skill we can cultivate, a choice we make to move towards healing and wholeness. Anthony Ray Hinton's story is a testament to its power. It reminds us that even in the face of great injustice, forgiveness can offer a path to freedom, peace, and a future filled with joy.

The journey to forgiveness is long and winding. There will be days when it feels impossible, days when the anger flares back up. And, as a practice, it's a muscle that strengthens with use. I seek inspiration from stories like Hinton's, I find solace in practicing yoga and above all when I am able to cultivate self compassion. 

Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves, not the person who harmed you. It's about reclaiming your peace, your joy, and your power to shape your own future. It's a choice, a step towards a life lived with greater clarity, sanity, and generosity. And that, in itself, is a beautiful thing.

I’ll end here with inspiration from John O’Donohue:

Forgiveness is one of the really difficult things in life. The logic of receiving hurt seems to run in the direction of never forgetting either the hurt or the hurter. When you forgive, some deeper, divine generosity takes over. When you can forgive, then you are free. When you cannot forgive, you are a prisoner of the hurt done to you. If you are really disappointed in someone and you become embittered, you become incarcerated inside that feeling. Only the grace of forgiveness can break the straight logic of hurt and embitterment. It gives you a way out, because it places the conflict on a completely different level. In a strange way, it keeps the whole conflict human. You begin to see and understand the conditions, circumstances, or weakness that made the other person act as they did.

Emancipation by Chaya Spencer

 

What we call disappointment may be just the first stage of our emancipation into the next greater pattern of existence.

~ David Whyte, Consolations

At Shree, we teach Anusara Yoga, a style of hatha yoga that is based on the Tantric philosophy of inclusivity. The word tantra is translated in many ways, but the one I appreciate most is “to loom, warp, weave”. This definition imagines the universe as a giant tapestry woven on a universal loom. It acknowledges that we are all woven together, each a colorful and essential thread in the overarching pattern. 

One reason I like this definition is that my Mom was a weaver and we had a huge loom set up in our NYC apartment as I was growing up. As a little girl, I would sometimes sit under the loom and watch her shuttle going back and forth trying to see, but often failing to see, the pattern she was weaving.  Her tapestries were creative expressions of herself and I marveled at how the color or width of each thread seemed random until woven into the whole. This is one of her pieces 5’6” wide in black and white. She would card and spin the individual threads to the width and length desired always keeping in mind how they would meld into the whole.

When we only see only our own individual thread our perspective narrows. When we are able to step out that narrowness, we perceive the myriad interconnections, the warp and the weft, the snags and the beauty. I begin to see how we are each completely different, unique and related. Sometimes it takes a disappointment to help move us into the bigger picture and the next greater pattern of existence.

As I think over the disappointments of my life, though they will always be painful, I also see how they have been an essential part of making me who I am today.  As I recall all the people who have intersected with my life, in good ways and difficult ways, I see the strands weaving into a pattern of the tapestry that is me.  Our parts make us whole. When we can see the disappointments and the joys as integral parts of the whole, perhaps we can experience some freedom that comes with perspective.