"A friend knows our difficulties and shadows
and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our
triumphs," writes poet and philosopher David Whyte in his book,
Consolations. True friendship, he suggests, is about being
truly present and reflecting that presence back.
I love the idea that friendship is being truly present
and reflecting that presence back. This is what I crave in my friendships;
to be truly seen. Sometimes I find myself sharing something and feeling
that what I’ve said has really been heard. At other times, it’s what I
haven’t had the courage to say that’s been heard. There’s a pause, a sense
of real listening, in which I feel deeply acknowledged. I am seen. This is
so affirming and fulfilling for me.
David Whyte invites us to see friendship as a
"mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness." It's not just
about celebrating triumphs, but being truly seen in both our vulnerabilities
and victories. In the practices of yoga and meditation we have the
opportunity to offer friendship to all that we are, regardless of what we’ve
done or not done, and to forgive ourselves in such a way that we can reflect
kindness back to ourselves. As Whyte says, "Without tolerance and mercy
all friendships die."
Photo courtesy Herb Benkel
But our sense of self isn't limited to our everyday
actions. Through genuine friendship, others see a potential within us, a
glimpse of the person we aspire to be. This inspires us to step up, not bound
by daily achievements, but by the faith others hold in us. I guess friendship,
at its core, is about witnessing. It's the privilege of seeing another's
essence, walking with them, believing in them, even simply accompanying them on
a journey.
All traditions have a creation theory - a reason why
we’re here. Tantra, the philosophy that underpins Anusara Yoga, explains
it like this. There is a singularity that is pure energy. Because it
is singular, it has no way of experiencing itself. It has no
friends. It can’t bear witness to itself and the love, beauty and essence
that it is. And so, out of its own creative delight and freedom, it manifests
the universe and all of us. We are the way in which that one energy
befriends itself and has “…the privilege of having been granted the sight of
the essence of another…”, as Whyte writes.
John O’Donohue looks at friendship from another related
perspective through the Celtic concept of anam cara, the "soul
friend." This “…friendship cuts across all convention,
morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the
“friend of your soul.” The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of
space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a
divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging
awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.” Anam Cara
is a bond transcending limitations, allowing us to share our "innermost
self, mind and heart." This act of belonging, fostered through spiritual
practices, connects us to the Soul of the Universe, our ultimate Anam Cara.
So, whether you have a close friend like an Anam Cara, or
simply feel, or yearn to feel, the connection to the larger universe, here are
some things I strive to remember:
- Be
present and forgiving with yourself. Offer yourself the same
compassion and understanding you extend to others.
- See
the potential in others. Celebrate their best selves and inspire them
to grow.
- Embrace
the universe as your friend. Find support and meaning in the
interconnectedness of all things.
Yoga itself embodies this practice of friendship. It's a
way to befriend our bodies, minds, and hearts, ultimately connecting with the
Divine. With each pose, we create a connection, yoking ourselves to something
greater. Today, ask yourself: who or what will you practice yoga with? Who will
you befriend, both within and beyond yourself?
Let's journey together, cultivating connections that
nourish our souls and remind us that friendship is a gift far grander than we
imagine.
