We are in the week leading up to
Passover and Easter, and hopefully more spring-like weather, so to me this
indicates a good time to think about spring cleaning. In many Jewish households, this week
(and usually the several leading up to it as well) is spent scouring the house for
any and every crumb of bread. We
actually search for anything made from the 5 leavenable grains, anything
capable of rising or “puffing up”. The
Hebrew word for these grains and their products is chametz. The word chametz
comes from l'chmotz, which means to sour or ferment (fermentation
is the process by which bread rises). In the physical world, this means
sweeping under every couch cushion, vacuuming in crevices between furniture we
usually ignore, and scouring your oven until it shines like the day you got it
in order to rid your entire home of any last morsel of anything even remotely
resembling bread (which, when you live in a house with 3 young boys, means it
could be literally anything!).
In the world of the spirit, we can
also do a spring cleaning. This is a perfect time to examine what we have left
to sour in our own hearts, to notice what we have left to ferment. I recently
had to opportunity to make my own fermented elixir and the process included
putting lots of strong, spicy veggies into vinegar, sealing it all with an
airtight lid, and hiding it away in a closet for a few months. It was pretty stinky
when I reopened it. This happens
with thoughts and feelings we allow to fester as well - and the longer they sit
in the dark un-examined, the more murky and foul they become.
What injustice, hurt, or angry
feelings have been left to embitter your heart? One of my favorite reminders is
the saying “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other
person to die.” This is the time to let go of the poison. It’s hard to let go
of old patterns, forgive someone who has hurt us, or even forgive ourselves for
a mistake or misstep. Jewish tradition holds that even after all the cleaning, on
the night before Passover we ritually take a candle and a feather and search
out every last crumb that might be hiding. To me this is emblematic of 2 things
– the first is really taking a look into our own dark spaces, the nooks and
crannies in our hearts we are usually too ashamed or afraid to look at, and bringing
light to them. We can be a little softer with ourselves in the dark, and it makes
the seeking somewhat less scary. The
other part is the feather. Our old patterns and stories feel so real, so
concrete, and often we can see no other way of being. The thing is, most of the time they are just
thoughts, ideas, or fabrications of our own human minds. They aren’t reality, or at least all of
reality, and they can be swept away with the brush of a feather if we are
willing to let them go and see who we really are underneath the layers of
everyday life.
This spring cleaning of the heart is
a particularly helpful practice to do before coming together with family where
our old habits and behaviors have dug deep grooves in relationships. Ram Das
famously said “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your
family.” Doing a spiritual purge before engaging
in intense family holiday time is important, not because it will make us a “better”
or more “enlightened” people, but because when we look at our own sour places
with compassion and self-love, we are that much more likely to look at others’
that way, and it opens up avenues of empathy and compassion and makes our
interactions that much sweeter.
The way this has manifested for me
this week (well, at least the one way I’m willing to share openly!) is with my
leg. For the past few months I’ve been dealing with an old hamstring tear that
I re-injured. Because of the injury, I’ve been in a lot of pain for what seems
like a really long time. I’ve had to seriously modify my yoga practice and take
some time off running and I am realizing this week as I seek out my soured
places that I’ve been holding onto resentment and anger towards my leg for
being the source of so much pain, and for not “allowing” me to do the things I
love to do the way I love to do them, and towards myself for “stupidly” causing
the injury in the first place. I recognize that I need to let go of my intense feelings
about it, let go of my frustrations, and make space for the slow process of
healing. This is easy for me to acknowledge
and write about, but each time I work on my PT routine, or try to jog a couple
of miles and find myself hurting so much that I have to stop, or go to a yoga
class where seemingly EVERYONE else in the room can do EVERYTHING it feels near impossible. I mean, I’m just trying to touch
my toes for God’s sake, is that asking so much?! And yet I know this
mindset is not conducive to healing, so my prayer right now is to forgive
myself for hurting myself, to hold patient space for recovery and restoration, and
to look at my injured leg with love and compassion.
If you’re not feeling particularly
sour towards anything in your life right now but are still interested in doing
some spring cleaning of the heart, another way to do a Passover/spring cleanse
is to look at all the ways you “puff yourself up”. On the physical level during
Passover we forgo any food that has risen (puffed up by way of fermentation),
but on the spiritual level we can look at all the thoughts and behaviors that
make us feel self-important, self-righteous, entitled, or justified in thinking
of anyone else as “less than”. Notice
in what situations the puffery of ego and pride rear their ugly heads in your
spirit. (Side note about ego:
the Tantra doesn’t teach us that we should be free of the ego. Your ego is
important, it is what makes you who you are! But
we do want to have a healthy ego - to take up just the right amount of space,
not too much and not too little.)
The word Yoga means to yoke, or more
simply said, union. The goal of
our practice should be to bring us into deeper connection with our loved ones, our
community, nature, and ultimately the Divine. What sour, rotten story or pattern is
clogging up your mind and heart and keeping you from seeing the beauty in each
moment? How are you puffing
yourself up and disconnecting to those around you? As we throw the windows open to
welcome the spring air into our stale and musty homes, throw open the windows
of your heart, let the breeze enter and blow the crumbs and dust from the dark
corners. Let the fresh air clear out the
sour and festering sources of worry and despair and welcome the liberation that
comes with letting go.
Off the mat: To really make change
you need to be willing to let go of the old to make space for the new. Incorporate
a pranayama practice into your day as often as you can which is focused on a longer exhale. Imagine with each breath out that you can let go of anything inside
that needs letting go of. It’s helpful to notice where in your body you
experience a tightening or grasping, and imagine that you are bringing softness,
openness and light to those areas as you release your exhale and with it all
that needs releasing from your mind or heart. We did Viloma B in my classes
this week, using a 3-part strategy for completely emptying out every bit of
stale air from our lungs. Kapalabhati works well too, or Bhastrika for seasoned practitioners.
On the mat: In my classes and in my
own practice I focused on deep twisting.
Twists are self-regulating and detoxifying poses. They squeeze and wring us out, helping to
release toxins from all the internal organs. It can be as basic as a seated or
supine spinal twist, or as challenging and complex as Eka Pada Koundinyasana I or Baddha Parivritta Parsvakonasana.
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| Baddha Parivritta Parsvakonasana |
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| Eka Pada Koundinyasana I |
