Friendship: A Mirror, a Witness, and a Journey by Chaya Spencer

 "A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs," writes poet and philosopher David Whyte in his book, Consolations. True friendship, he suggests, is about being truly present and reflecting that presence back.

I love the idea that friendship is being truly present and reflecting that presence back. This is what I crave in my friendships; to be truly seen. Sometimes I find myself sharing something and feeling that what I’ve said has really been heard. At other times, it’s what I haven’t had the courage to say that’s been heard. There’s a pause, a sense of real listening, in which I feel deeply acknowledged. I am seen. This is so affirming and fulfilling for me.

David Whyte invites us to see friendship as a "mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness." It's not just about celebrating triumphs, but being truly seen in both our vulnerabilities and victories. In the practices of yoga and meditation we have the opportunity to offer friendship to all that we are, regardless of what we’ve done or not done, and to forgive ourselves in such a way that we can reflect kindness back to ourselves. As Whyte says, "Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die."

Photo courtesy Herb Benkel

But our sense of self isn't limited to our everyday actions. Through genuine friendship, others see a potential within us, a glimpse of the person we aspire to be. This inspires us to step up, not bound by daily achievements, but by the faith others hold in us. I guess friendship, at its core, is about witnessing. It's the privilege of seeing another's essence, walking with them, believing in them, even simply accompanying them on a journey. 

All traditions have a creation theory - a reason why we’re here. Tantra, the philosophy that underpins Anusara Yoga, explains it like this. There is a singularity that is pure energy. Because it is singular, it has no way of experiencing itself. It has no friends. It can’t bear witness to itself and the love, beauty and essence that it is. And so, out of its own creative delight and freedom, it manifests the universe and all of us. We are the way in which that one energy befriends itself and has “…the privilege of having been granted the sight of the essence of another…”, as Whyte writes. 

John O’Donohue looks at friendship from another related perspective through the Celtic concept of anam cara, the "soul friend."  This “…friendship cuts across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the “friend of your soul.” The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.”  Anam Cara is a bond transcending limitations, allowing us to share our "innermost self, mind and heart." This act of belonging, fostered through spiritual practices, connects us to the Soul of the Universe, our ultimate Anam Cara.

So, whether you have a close friend like an Anam Cara, or simply feel, or yearn to feel, the connection to the larger universe, here are some things I strive to remember:

• Be present and forgiving with yourself. Offer yourself the same compassion and understanding you extend to others.
• See the potential in others. Celebrate their best selves and inspire them to grow.
• Embrace the universe as your friend. Find support and meaning in the interconnectedness of all things.

Yoga itself embodies this practice of friendship. It's a way to befriend our bodies, minds, and hearts, ultimately connecting with the Divine. With each pose, we create a connection, yoking ourselves to something greater. Today, ask yourself: who or what will you practice yoga with? Who will you befriend, both within and beyond yourself?

Let's journey together, cultivating connections that nourish our souls and remind us that friendship is a gift far grander than we imagine.

 

Beyond "Fight or Flight": Yoga for a Balanced Life by Chaya Spencer

Chronic stress often stems from a perceived lack of control and a constant state of "fight-or-flight." This constant state of alertness disrupts our physical and mental well-being. Kristin Powers writes: "Chronic stress keeps you in a trauma response — fight, flight or freeze. Your body never gets a break because you are always on high alert and living in survival mode. The chronic uncertainty and anxiety naturally leads you to overwork so you will have the resources to survive."

Sometimes, stress isn't just about external pressures; it can be a deeper sense of meaninglessness or disconnect from our purpose. While yoga cannot single-handedly solve existential questions, it can create a space for self-reflection and exploration. By connecting with our breath and body, we can begin to understand ourselves better and find a sense of inner peace, even amidst external challenges.

Dr. Gabor Mate writes: "When people start to lose a sense of meaning and get disconnected, that's where breakdown in our health—mental, physical, social health—occurs," the psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bruce Perry told [me]. Our hormones and nervous systems clock [the] presence or absence of meaning in our lives."

Yoga provides a path to a balanced life by:

• Promoting mindfulness: Through focused breathwork and attention to the present moment, yoga helps us become aware of our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to respond rather than react to stressful situations.
• Building self-compassion: Yoga fosters self-acceptance and a sense of inner peace, reducing self-criticism and promoting a healthy relationship with ourselves.
• Enhancing physical well-being: Gentle yoga stretches and poses improve flexibility, reduce muscle tension, and promote better sleep, all contributing to stress reduction.

By incorporating yoga into our lives, we can break free from the "fight-or-flight" cycle, cultivate a sense of calm and control, and create a more balanced and fulfilling life.  Any type of practice or class will help, but classes that focus specifically on regulating the nervous system through breath, mindfulness and deeply relaxing poses can be the most beneficial to heal our bodies, minds and hearts from chronic stresses.

Use this short meditation to down regulate your nervous system now: https://youtu.be/Fyi6RcFmTco

Chronic Stress: The New Normal by Chaya Spencer

Chronic stress has become a normal part of life. We have adapted to living with heightened stress day in and day out. Do you feel it? New research shows how this stress is contributing to numerous chronic illnesses, including heart disease, diabetes, and even some cancers. Studies show Americans are particularly affected, with high rates of chronic illness and mental health diagnoses directly linked to chronic stress. And, it’s not just adults, teens and young people are also suffering from chronic stress and its deleterious health effects.

In a recent report, Stress in America 2023, the American Psychological Association found that among those aged 35-44, nearly 60% reported they suffered from a chronic illness, and 45% percent said they had received a mental health diagnosis. Adults ages 18 to 34 reported the highest rate of mental illnesses at 50%.

What's the connection? When under constant stress, our bodies remain in "fight-or-flight" mode, flooding us with hormones like cortisol. This prolonged stress disrupts our hormonal and immune systems, making us susceptible to various health problems.

Yoga can combat chronic stress and improve our health. By combining physical postures, breathwork, and meditation, yoga helps:

• Reduce stress hormones: Yoga promotes relaxation, lowering cortisol levels and calming the nervous system.
• Improve sleep quality: Better sleep is crucial for recovery and rejuvenation. Yoga practices can enhance sleep quality by promoting relaxation and reducing anxiety.
• Increase resilience: Yoga cultivates self-awareness and empowers individuals to manage stress effectively, leading to increased resilience in the face of challenges.

Any yoga class will help to regulate the nervous system and reduce stress, but at Shree we find that the most effective is Restorative Yoga followed by Gentle Yoga or a combination of the two. 

According to Roger Cole, a sleep researcher, “Restorative Yoga allows you to recover fully from all the stresses and strains of life. By relaxing muscles, lowering your heart rate and allowing your nervous system to stop constantly reacting, you are not only more relaxed but more focused and effective.” 

At Shree, we strongly encourage you to add a Restorative or Gentle class to your existing weekly classes for your mental fitness and ultimately for your health.