Monday, March 18, 2024

Friendship: A Mirror, a Witness, and a Journey by Chaya Spencer

 "A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs," writes poet and philosopher David Whyte in his book, Consolations. True friendship, he suggests, is about being truly present and reflecting that presence back.

I love the idea that friendship is being truly present and reflecting that presence back. This is what I crave in my friendships; to be truly seen. Sometimes I find myself sharing something and feeling that what I’ve said has really been heard. At other times, it’s what I haven’t had the courage to say that’s been heard. There’s a pause, a sense of real listening, in which I feel deeply acknowledged. I am seen. This is so affirming and fulfilling for me.

David Whyte invites us to see friendship as a "mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness." It's not just about celebrating triumphs, but being truly seen in both our vulnerabilities and victories. In the practices of yoga and meditation we have the opportunity to offer friendship to all that we are, regardless of what we’ve done or not done, and to forgive ourselves in such a way that we can reflect kindness back to ourselves. As Whyte says, "Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die."

Photo courtesy Herb Benkel

But our sense of self isn't limited to our everyday actions. Through genuine friendship, others see a potential within us, a glimpse of the person we aspire to be. This inspires us to step up, not bound by daily achievements, but by the faith others hold in us. I guess friendship, at its core, is about witnessing. It's the privilege of seeing another's essence, walking with them, believing in them, even simply accompanying them on a journey. 

All traditions have a creation theory - a reason why we’re here. Tantra, the philosophy that underpins Anusara Yoga, explains it like this. There is a singularity that is pure energy. Because it is singular, it has no way of experiencing itself. It has no friends. It can’t bear witness to itself and the love, beauty and essence that it is. And so, out of its own creative delight and freedom, it manifests the universe and all of us. We are the way in which that one energy befriends itself and has “…the privilege of having been granted the sight of the essence of another…”, as Whyte writes. 

John O’Donohue looks at friendship from another related perspective through the Celtic concept of anam cara, the "soul friend."  This “…friendship cuts across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the “friend of your soul.” The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.”  Anam Cara is a bond transcending limitations, allowing us to share our "innermost self, mind and heart." This act of belonging, fostered through spiritual practices, connects us to the Soul of the Universe, our ultimate Anam Cara.

So, whether you have a close friend like an Anam Cara, or simply feel, or yearn to feel, the connection to the larger universe, here are some things I strive to remember:

  • Be present and forgiving with yourself. Offer yourself the same compassion and understanding you extend to others.
  • See the potential in others. Celebrate their best selves and inspire them to grow.
  • Embrace the universe as your friend. Find support and meaning in the interconnectedness of all things.

Yoga itself embodies this practice of friendship. It's a way to befriend our bodies, minds, and hearts, ultimately connecting with the Divine. With each pose, we create a connection, yoking ourselves to something greater. Today, ask yourself: who or what will you practice yoga with? Who will you befriend, both within and beyond yourself?

Let's journey together, cultivating connections that nourish our souls and remind us that friendship is a gift far grander than we imagine.

 


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