Thoughts during COVID on denial and yoga with quotes and inspiration from poet David Whyte’s book: Consolations
David Whyte, poet and philosopher, paints a surprising picture of denial in his book "Consolations." Not as a villain blocking our path, but as a "necessary and self-compassionate" companion, tenderly holding us when life throws curveballs. This reframing resonated deeply with me, especially while navigating the messy terrain of personal loss and upheaval.
Denial is underestimated as a state of being. Denial is an ever present and even a splendid thing when see in the light of its merciful and elemental powers to cradle and hold an identity until it is ready to move on. Faced with the depth of loss and disappearance in the average life, a measure of denial is creative, necessary and self-compassionate…Refusing to face what we are not yet ripe and ready to face can help us to live in the present.
~ David Whyte, Consolations
Imagine clinging to the shore after a stormy ocean toss. Denial, then, becomes the warm blanket that allows you to shiver and process the shock, without the immediate pressure to plunge back into the churning waves. It grants us a precious pause, a space to breathe and gather strength before tackling the unknown.
This aligns deeply with the essence of yoga. We're invited to meet life on the mat, in all its messy, glorious entirety. Denial, no longer the enemy, becomes part of the spectrum of emotions we explore. Owning it, instead of fighting it, allows us to be present with whatever arises, even discomfort.
Whyte calls denial a "transitional state," a bridge between the familiar and the new. The old shores recede, leaving us yearning for what was, unsure of what lies ahead. Yet, there's beauty in this liminal space. In the quiet, we catch glimpses of resilience, moments of peace amidst the uncertainty. We connect with the simple joys of what exists, appreciate the stillness, and find solace in the quiet hum of life around us.
Denial fully experienced, also enables us to understand the full measure of our reluctance thus becoming a way of both paying attention to and appreciating what is asking to be seen. Denial is a beautiful transitional sate every human being inhabits before they are emancipated into the next larger context and orphaned, often against their will, from an old and very familiar home.
~ David Whyte, Consolations
Remember that annoyingly apt saying, "Denial is a River in Africa"? It is commonly used in my household, often directed at me, when I am blatantly avoiding the facts. It is sometimes more comfortable to bury my head in the sand and pretend that whatever it is that's making me so uncomfortable, isn't actually happening. Whyte sheds a different light:
Denial can be a beautiful skin shed, left to be seen, of even to beautify and beatify others as they follow, wearing our former clothes. To understand the true nature of our reluctance through observing and then inhabiting our denial is to see directly into the soul’s wish to participate.
~ David Whyte, Consolations
We wish to participate but sometimes it is too painful or problematic so we move into denial. To recognize that, and compassionately to give ourselves the time we need to be ready to move forward, is a great gift. Maybe one of the greatest. And, once we’ve learned to give it to ourselves, it is so much easier to give it to others.
So, the next time denial creeps in, let’s resist the urge to push it away. Let it be a temporary anchor, a gentle pause before the next leap. Embrace it as part of the dance of life, a bridge between what was and what can be. And on the mat, where vulnerability meets strength, allow your practice to hold you through the transitions, reminding you that even in the face of the unknown, you are present, you are whole, and you are enough.
