Harnessing Your Power

“People who believe they are victims get to be right.  Each experience they have convinces them of that.  They don’t open themselves to the lessons, the growth, and the beauty of each situation they encounter.  People who believe they have powers get to be right too.  Although we know there is much in life we can’t control, we also know we have the power to think, to feel, to choose, and to take responsibility for ourselves and our lives.  We see life’s beauty, gifts and lessons and its mysterious and sometimes magical nature.” - Melody Beattie, Journey to the Heart

  

As many of you know, I have had some real, tangible, mortal life dilemmas to face in the past year.  While I was going thru my cancer treatment I was able to put one foot in front of the other and stay present and much of the time have a very positive outlook.  When treatment ended, I fell apart.  No longer having something to actively “do” meant facing all the emotion I set aside so I could survive going through the surgeries and treatments.  There were other major life events happening in my family during this time as well, all of which would have been a lot to handle one at a time, but they all happened together and it was a very challenging time. In spite of the spiritual practice and work I have done over the years, I am realizing that I have started to see everything that happens to me, both incidental and significant things, through the mental prism of “why me?”  All of this has added up to me living in a state of victim-consciousness. I recognize that I have allowed this feeling to take over my life and I know it’s time to make a change.  My teacher Todd calls this the move from Shit Happens to Shift Happens.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to feel all our emotions, including anger, fear, grief and despair.  These are normal human responses to tragedy or difficulties in our lives and need to be felt.  They are not “negative”, even though they don’t feel so great when you’re experiencing them. If it means calling your sister for the 100th time to moan about it, or taking a 30-minute shower so you can cry long enough for the water to wash away the evidence, or curling up in bed early and letting the dark envelop you and nurture your wounds, let it happen.  Do those things, give in to the feeling of the moment and let yourself be in the wilderness. But then actively seek the path that leads you out of it.  It’s so easy to stay in that space of scarcity where it looks like everything is a personal affront, but it is such a miserable place to be. 

Personally, I am trying to take a step back as often as I can. I recognize that this all will pass, that a year from now my life will look totally different. There will be a new normal, and if I am willing to accept it, I know I will be able to find more joy. I can use my power to continue to create meaning out of the shit hand I’ve been dealt for the time being. Because really, what’s the alternative? I’m particularly fortunate to have family and friends who call me out when I have spent too much time sitting on my pity pot and help me see that it’s time to move on. If you can’t look in the mirror and recognize that for yourself, these friends are so crucial.  You may want to punch them in the teeth from time to time, but you’ll be grateful later.

We choose some journeys in life, and others choose us. One of my favorite sayings in Sanskrit is “Ya drishti sa srishti”, which means “As your vision is, so is creation.” or in other words "The world is as you see it.” When we shift our vision, the scenery changes.  We are powerful beings. When we see our power to think, to feel, to choose and to take responsibility for our lives, the world opens up to us and we become free to choose our experience.  Either way, when we open up to a higher power and connect to it, we make more uplifting choices, ones that lead to more freedom, contentment, and vitality. We open to the inherent power of the Universe and it inspires awe at the vast power available to us and how we want to engage with and use that power.

Off the Mat:

Notice what activities help you to connect to your higher power. Yoga, meditation, listening to music, being in nature, being with loved ones, reading, journaling, cooking…there are as many ways as there are people. Pay attention throughout your day to the happenings that elicit contentment, joy, and love in you, and then plan those activities into every day.  They are the path out of the wilderness.

On the Mat:

In my classes this week we worked on poses and actions that helped us to feel powerful.  Pressing into deeper versions of lunges and warrior poses, using the bend of the front knee and the extension of the back leg to move us towards Eka Pada Bakasana I (in advanced classes). We also worked caturanga dandasana as a way to connect to and cultivate power and strength.

For the Anusara Junkies:

Open to Grace: Open to a deeper breath and open up to the flow of Shakti in the universe, the power of creation that moves through you.

Feel the power of the Universe that is yours to harness as it moves through you in the form of your breath.

Connect to your breath to connect to a higher power that is both in you and beyond you.

Open to your own power to choose the best thought in any situation. 

Muscular Energy: Tone your muscles and engage with your power in a way that elevates you and brings ease and joy to your life.

Draw from insertion to origin engaging mindfully and meaningfully with purpose.

Draw energetically from far ends of victimhood to the seat of your power (in the FP).

Firm muscles and harness your authority to make uplifting choices.

Organic Energy: Send your power and influence out (from FP) to make positive change in the world.

Let your power radiate outwards to shine the light of awareness to the world.

Keeping Your Heart Open

At Shree we have been using themes from Melody Beattie’s book Journey to the Heart, and for this week her advice is to “Keep your heart open, even when you can’t have what you want.” Not getting what we want is a root cause of most of our suffering. It doesn’t matter if it is that beautiful sweater you saw at the mall that was just a little too pricey, that the grocery store was out of the favorite ingredient you needed to make the perfect Valentine’s dinner, or longing for a few more precious days with a loved one who passed on from this world – our experience of not having is hard.  

 

Not getting what we want can cause us to shut down our hearts or to open them up. I have recently been re-reading Pema Chodron’s seminal book When Things Fall Apart and she speaks volumes on this topic. She says “Inspiration and wretchedness are inseparable. We always want to get rid of misery rather than see how it can work with joy. Feeling inspired cheers us up, makes us realize how vast and wonderful our world is.  Feeling wretched humbles us. When we are inspired, we are more able to celebrate the sacred in the world.  But feeling wretched ripens our hearts, it opens them up. It makes us more compassionate, more understanding.” I have found this to be so true in my life.  I have a hard time softening my heart, I tend to keep my armor pretty tight. But I’ve seen the most challenging times of my life in the last year or 2 and when I am able to stay awake and aware and not get caught up in my narrative of “how much things suck right now”, I really am able to see how staying open to all of it has helped me to connect more deeply in all my relationships – with my beloveds, with friends, and with God. (Yes, the G word.  If this is a hard word for you, I get it, I’ve been there too.  I’m still there sometimes.  I’ll invite you to just plug in whatever word you use for anything bigger than your own individual self and see if that resonates.)

The crucial point is to keep our hearts open to all of it, through all of it.  Through getting what you want and getting what you don’t. Through joy and heartache. Through celebration and grief. And it’s hard to do it through both I think. I know I’ve been in the midst of some of the happiest times in my life and I get these little pings of sorrow wishing things would last but knowing ultimately that they won’t. When things are good we shut down our hearts in fear of it ending.  When things are challenging we shut down our hearts because it’s hard to be in pain. So, life is hard.  Might as well be open to it, embrace it, engage with it and see what meaning you can make from it.

Ananda is a big buzz word in yoga, and it is part of the Anusara invocation we chant at the start of each class. However, like many things rooted in yoga these days, it tends to be somewhat misunderstood. Most frequently translated as “bliss”, I think we are sometimes misled to the pursuit of the surface feeling of “bliss”.  But rather than being the goal of our practice or what we are striving for, ananda is the state of being immersed completely in your current experience, feeling what there is to feel without fighting it, and the “bliss” is what arises as a result of being in connection with what is. This is the experience Ms. Beattie and Ms. Chodron are both referring to I believe.

Consider this - when you have a good strong workout, or start a new exercise program, what usually happens to your muscles a day or 2 later?  You get sore. Small tears occur in the muscle as a result of mild muscle strain, creating microscopic damage to the muscle fibers. The discomfort is simply a symptom of using your muscles and placing stresses on them that are leading to adaptations to make them stronger and better able to perform the task the next time.  When they heal, the muscles become stronger and healthier. 

Our hearts are like this too – sometimes they need to get a little torn up to get stronger, to adapt to a new way of doing things or state of being.  Each time your heart breaks it builds back up a little bigger and a little sturdier. Even the really beautiful moments that swell our hearts with joy and pride and love can cause those little tears by filling up to bursting.  When we keep our hearts open to all experiences, feelings, emotions, challenges and blessings we bring ourselves a little closer to humanity, our own and around us. And that is a beautiful thing. 

Off the mat:

Notice.  Notice your reactions to things, ones that you would label “good”, and ones that you would label “not good”.  See where you feel both experiences in your body.  Notice the thoughts you have about it.  Be aware of how you react.  Just be present with it, allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.  Be open to it all.

On the Mat:

In my classes this week we are working on keeping the physical heart open – getting it pumping with some good flowing vinyasa movements, and working with scapula (shoulder blade) retraction and protraction (moving towards the spine and away from the spine) to keep the front and the back of the heart open at the same time.  In gentler classes leading towards Setu Bandhasana (bridge), and in more challenging classes towards Sirsasana II and Bakasana, tick-tocking between the two poses…which requires a lot of strength all around the shoulder girdle, the front and the back, to keep the neck safe.

For the Anusara junkies:

Open to Grace: In the form of your inhale and exhale, open to inspiration and wretchedness, to love and despair, to celebration and grief.

Open to breath and to the softness that comes with a broken heart.

Fill with breath and the inspiration that allows you to see the sacred in all things.

Muscular Energy: Engage muscles and engage with however this pose challenges you.

Firm muscles creating stress on the bones that will make them stronger.

Shoulder Alignment: (In various movements, work on) shoulder blade retraction (adduction) and protraction (abduction) - one is not better than other, both necessary, find the balance between the two.

Open the back of the heart (protraction) and the front (retraction) so the heart open 360 around, to all experiences.

Inner Spiral: Widen sit bones and open up to the little tears that make us stronger.

Outer Spiral: Drop your tailbone down settling into what you have, not necessarily what you want, but we stay open anyway.

Organic Energy: Shine out through the little tears and cracks – they let the light in and out.

An open heart radiates gratitude for all experiences, let yours sparkle.

Savor and shine the brilliance and the melancholy of this moment, knowing both have come to serve you.

Honoring the Ending

by Chaya Spencer

While we look forward to the New Year, it’s also important to look back and honor what has come before.

As I said goodbye to my daughter and sent her back to University in Scotland for her last semester and the end of her studies and time as a dependent under our roof, I feel deep sadness.  At the same time, deep joy at the adventure of life that awaits her as she steps forward on her own to discover, create and find her heart’s passion.  In the ending is the beginning, and I am filled to the brim with both.

In Anusara yoga our first principle is to Open to Grace.  We attempt to begin every pose by softening and honoring that we are held by something that supports us through our lives.  And yet, Open to Grace is also always at the ending.  The cycle moves in a full rotation.  We must honor what has brought us to where we stand at the moment: the things we’ve learned, struggled with, celebrated and grieved – the full spectrum of life.  It is only by fully embracing the ending that we can move into the next beginning.

As Melody Beattie writes in Journey to the Heart:

The journey of a year is drawing to a close.  Cherish the moments, all of them, event the ups and downs.  Cherish the places you’ve visited, the people you’ve seen.  Say good-bye to those whose journeys have called them someplace else.  Know you can always call them back by thinking loving thoughts.  Know all those you love will be there for you w hen you need them most.  Honor the lessons you’ve learned, and the people who helped you learn them.  Honor the journey you soul mapped out for you.  Trust all the places you’ve been.  Make a scrapbook in your heart to help you remember…Take time to honor the ending – though it’s never really the end.

May we each fully honor 2017 and may 2018 bring each of us – every human and creature on the planet - peace, joy, health and fullness.

May blessings abound.  Happy New Year!

Love,

Chaya

Practice Makes Practice by Rachel Dewan

When I reflect on the last few months of my life I feel so many things.  Surreal is the word that has come to mind over and over again when I pause to think about this journey.  As I’m sure most of you know by now since I have been very open about it, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June.  The diagnosis resulted in 3 surgeries and 6 weeks of radiation treatment which I just finished.  I am feeling relatively good, getting used to my new body and body parts, and feel very confident that the breast cancer chapter of my life is over.

It has been one of the most challenging times of my life, not because I have been “sick” (this is where the surreal part comes in most strongly) but because I have felt relatively ok physically most of the time.  Emotionally and mentally it was a different story. The hardest part is that life went on - my kids had busy schedules, I planned a bar mitzvah and helped my son prepare for it, we got a puppy, my older boys moved to a very competitive soccer league requiring a huge commitment of my time and energy as well as theirs.  I had to “just keep swimming”, as Dory says.  

What kept me swimming was my practice.  It’s what always keeps me going, what sustains me when I feel like I can’t tolerate another moment.  With so many surgeries and some resulting complications I was unable to do much of a physical practice for almost 4 months (which, anyone who even knows me a little bit knows is akin to torture for me), but I have never been so grateful to be grounded in ALL the practices of yoga, not just asana.  Meditation that kept me sane through many, many hours of doctor appointments and sitting in waiting rooms and on hold waiting for news about my health. Pranayama that allowed me to quite literally hold my breath with ease and skill and grace through 6 weeks of radiation treatments. (My radiation techs said they had never seen any breathing pattern like mine before - steady, even, deep and repeatable every time the same way.  They, and subsequently I, appreciated how it made my treatment so much faster and easier.)  

Most of all, just the practice itself. I have a sign in my kitchen that says “Practice makes perfect, so be mindful of what you practice.”  Waking up every day through all of it, some days feeling fine and some days feeling horrible, but just doing the practice either way, regardless. Waking with the same prayers in my heart and mantras on my lips as I do every day, no matter what is happening in my life. Daily practice leads to the deep inner knowing of something bigger than myself, some bigger plan that I don’t and won’t ever understand, but keeps me connected to the deepest layer of my being that is beyond sickness or health or humanness.  The knowing that life just is, everything happens, and sometimes there is a reason that’s clear and sometimes it’s just surrendering to the mystery. But the practice is knowing I get to co-create with the great loving Oneness that supports all of creation to decide what meaning and direction and reason there was for it happening, and what I’m going to do about it.  

Although the Tantric philosophy of Anusara yoga is a deep foundation of my spiritual life, so is my Jewish heritage.  Each week in the Jewish calendar corresponds to a portion of the Torah.  The Friday night after my final treatment I was in synagogue and as is my practice during Shabbat services, I read the weekly torah portion which I was not surprised to find was one of my favorites.  In it, we find Jacob anxious and scared about meeting his brother Esau after many years, because Jacob had deeply hurt him the last time they were together.  Unable to sleep, he goes wandering around in the night. He comes upon a being, most commonly referred to as an angel, whom he “wrestles” with all night.  Dawn is breaking and the angel is begging him to give up.  Jacob tells him “I will not let you go until you bless me.”  

It is no coincidence to me that this is the portion read the week my treatment ended.  Although cancer is not a journey I would particularly wish for anyone, there were so many beautiful blessings that came out of it.  This is the essence of Tantric yoga practice (and kabalistic Judaism) - there is a blessing to be had in everything if you are willing to engage with it and wrestle with it long enough.  You can let it defeat you, you can give up and surrender, or you can hang on until the blessing is clear.  And, just as Jacob did, you come out the other end changed, a different person. Through his struggle with the “angel” Jacob gets renamed Yisrael (meaning one-who-wrestles-with-God).  When you wrestle with your challenges, when you allow them to bless you, you come through it with a new way of identifying yourself, a new layer of depth of being.  But you wake up every day just the same, doing the practice, swimming back to the source, same as always.  

One of the 3 trademarks of Anusara Yoga is kula (community), and I felt that stronger than ever over these last months.  The Shree community has been an essential part of my healing.  The number of cards, texts, messages, gifts, hugs, kisses, meals, and prayers sent my way by this amazing community helped to sustain me through this journey.  It made every day so full of love and grace and I am so grateful to yoga for bringing you all into my life.  1,000 humble bows to all of you my friends.  I cannot wait to see you on Monday!

Rakhi and I on a ride at the beach, 1 week post-mastectomy

 

Kiran and our new puppy Axl

 

Zev's soccer team, winning their first tournament

Zev's Bar Mitzvah, November 18th