My
youngest son, Rakhi, is the age (almost 2) where he parrots back to me
everything I say, almost always in exactly the tone of voice I say it in. Needless to say, it is VERY revealing. Since he is so little I am very aware of how
I interact with him directly, but he is with me most of the time and so is
hearing all my exchanges with my older children, my husband, on the phone with
the cable company after the internet has gone down for the 2nd time
this week and I’ve been on hold for ½ hour, slow waitresses, drivers of other
cars, etc., etc. And he is absorbing all
of it into his little, impressionable brain - every action and word is being
watched and recorded and repeated.
Although I think I am fairly calm and together most of the time, and try
to speak and act respectfully to those around me, when he mirrors back behaviors
or words that have come out of my mouth I often cringe (sometimes I laugh….but
more often cringe).
We
all have innate tendencies, developed from our own genetic code, our
upbringing, and the people and environment that we choose to surround ourselves
with. A beautiful part of spiritual
practice is bringing these predispositions to light, becoming aware of our
patterns without judgment, and then making changes to move more into alignment
with the person we aspire to be. What
helps us with this practice is mindful awareness. I know that when I am unaware or unmindful I
slip into old reactionary patterns, patterns that I don’t love about myself,
and that I would rather not pass down to my children by modeling less than
ideal behavior or speech.
I
think the hardest thing about being a parent (or any loving relationship for
that matter) is that it puts your life under a microscope. When we really love someone it inspires us to
be a better person. In my life I try to
be more kind, tolerant, empathetic and even tempered, because I love my family
so dearly and I want to demonstrate that love through my actions. I want to inspire my children to interact
with others in a similar way. I
recognize that the periods of time when I am having a harder time holding things
together, those around me seem to be having that same hard time, most
especially my children. During those times I often read, chant or meditate on
this prayer:
Prayer of St
Francis of Assisi:
Divine One, make me
an instrument of Thy Peace;
Where there is
hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is
injury, pardon;
Where there is
doubt, faith;
Where there is
despair, hope;
Where there is
darkness, light;
Where there is
sadness, joy.
Oh Universal
Spirit,
Grant that I may
not so much seek
To be consoled as
to console;
To be understood,
as to understand;
To be loved, as to
love;
For it is in giving
that we receive, and
It is in pardoning
that we are pardoned.
This
prayer inspires me to be, as Mahatma Ghandi said, the change I wish to see in
the world. To align with my highest regardless of what I am facing. When we practice yoga we cultivate awareness
and mindfulness so we can respond rather than react. We connect deeply to a calmer state of being,
and we come to know the most elevated and divine aspects of ourselves and bring
them forth into the world. When we are
mindful and aware we can feel the moment where we start to feel anxious, angry,
or frustrated and instead of letting those feelings grow or knee-jerk reacting,
we can take a breath and respond from a place of deep alignment with our highest
self and choose the way we act in any given situation.
It’s
always fascinating to me that Universal Spirit/Source/God always presents a
lesson at exactly the right time. I
teach at Shree on Monday mornings, and this Monday, after thinking and meditating
on this theme and the qualities of mindful awareness and equanimity, I arrived
at Shree to see the biggest spider I have ever seen scurrying across the floor
only to settle under my meditation blanket on my mat. It sent me into a state of utter fear and
aversion – honestly, I was freaking out.
I tried to formulate a plan to catch it but the sight of it paralyzed me
and I ended up waiting for students to arrive and asking one of them to deal
with it. The first two students to
arrived were as freaked out as I was, when finally a brave soul showed up to
trap it and move it outside.
 |
| I swear it was this big!! |
When
I was speaking about my theme, the beloved student who had caught the spider
started laughing, as she had just witnessed me completely lose myself over an
insect. It was rather ironic…but I don’t
believe in coincidences. I was speaking
with her after class and saying things like “I just can’t do spiders” and “I
just panic and freeze when I see a huge spider like that”. She looked at me and said, well, the first thing
you have to do is stop saying those things and convincing yourself you “can’t”.
It is said that we always teach what we
have to learn. I’m sharing this story because it was such a great lesson for me
to deepen this teaching. When we find
ourselves in reactive patterns the first thing we often do is reinforce those
patterns by continuing negative thought patterns about the behavior. Once
again, mindful awareness can help us stop this cycle.
So
whether it’s a huge spider, or any other trigger you might have, before reacting, before
freaking out, take a breath and be aware of how you are feeling. Ask yourself how you’d like to respond and
then do just that.
Off the Mat:
My
husband and I took a parenting class a couple of years ago and one of the best
pieces of advice she gave us was to pretend that she was in the room when we
were faced with some situation with our children we were about to fly off the
handle over. It totally works. One way to practice mindful awareness is to
pretend you have a 2 year old with you at all times, and be aware of the
behavior you’d like to model in front of them.
If you’d like an actual 2 year
old to practice with, Rakhi is available for babysitting.
On the Mat:
In
my classes this week we worked on hugging the midline to connect to our highest
self, the one we wish to respond in any given situation. This gives us strength to respond rather than
react, and helps us into poses like Bakasana
(crane) with straight arms, and Adho
Mukha Vrksasana (Upward Facing Tree, or Handstand) with awareness and
equanimity.
Open
to Grace: With
each breath wake up to your innermost divine self.
Wake
up to the person you aspire to be.
Be
aware of even the subtlest of sensations, emotions, and feelings, then take a
breath and soften before responding.
Muscular
Energy: Hug
the midline, the place of inner awareness.
Hug
into a calmer state of being, your highest self.
Awaken
and firm your inner thighs to awaken to your inner self.
Inner
Spiral: Widen
your inner thighs apart and make space between yourself and knee jerk reactions.
Spread
your sit bones back and apart widening your awareness of yourself and the way
you wish to respond
Outer
Spiral: Sink
your tailbone into mindfulness.
Organic
Energy: Light
up the pose with your highest intention to respond rather than react.
Let
your pose shine with all the divine qualities of your heart, love, pardon,
faith, hope.
